Who are good friends?
I have recently been slightly lazy when updating my blog, but I have just come across with an innovative and bizarre concept of friendship which almost made me re-think the one I understand.
For some people I came across with in my life, being a friend means minimizing the reach of a relationship, which means not being in a relationship; therefore according to this interpretation all the genuine values that are usually associated with this word result very reductive.
For some people I came across with in my life, being a friend means minimizing the reach of a relationship, which means not being in a relationship; therefore according to this interpretation all the genuine values that are usually associated with this word result very reductive.
I realized that when a person uses this arid interpretation, they make of friendship an instrument of control and they will consider other people merely like a satellite for their own ego. What a miserable life! You can be the victim of this game and it is not a nice thing to experience at all, but on the other hand the sorrow that follows could be the fuel to improve our lives and continue our path of researching of the truth inherent in our life. This is expressed in the Buddhist metaphor of changing the poison into medicine, or even better, realizing the Mahayana's concept that the Samsara is Nirvana.
As for my personal experience I wanted to refresh the Buddhist concept of “Good Friend”, commonly expressed in Japanese as Zenchishiki. According to SGI’s President Daisaku Ikeda “Having good friends is like being equipped with a powerful auxiliary engine. When we encounter a steep hill or an obstacle, we can encourage each other and find the strength to keep pressing forward.” The Japanese monk Nichiren Daishonin (1222-1282) also says that “Even a feeble person will not stumble if those supporting him are strong, but a person of considerable strength, when alone, may lose his footing on an uneven path.”
We can say then the two sine qua non for a friendship are represented by sharing the common desire of creating values in our lives and to encourage each other to follow the right path, which does not means necessarily being Buddhists or whatever, rather it means being able to discern which actions and attitudes are respectful and which ones are not, without any sort of relativism that sometimes may represent a temptation that exempt us from our responsibilities.
Going back to our question at starting point, I do not personally think that I can be a friend of a person who does not share common values with me, but furthermore I do not like to be considered a friend just because someone else considers a friendship a convenient way of ending a relationship. I am proud of the concept of friendship I have always been believing.
